Discovering Pure Joy Beyond Conditional Happiness

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds. James 1:2 NIV

We often place conditions on our happiness without even realising it.  We tell ourselves, “I’ll be happy when I get home.” Or “I will be happy when the house is clean,” only then to say, “I’ll be happy if the house stays clean.”

Whatever your conditional happiness statements are, they can be summed up as “I will be happy when this condition is met or maintained.”

It is important to remember, that while we can influence our circumstances, they are not entirely within our control. What is within our control are our thoughts, feelings, and responses to these circumstances.

Which is why conditional happiness statements can be detrimental to our emotional well-being, as they lead us to surrender control over our happiness to various circumstances beyond our control.

Conditional happiness can become particularly problematic when the conditions to be met are either far in the future, such as completing a course, or entirely beyond our control, like receiving a promotion at work. In such cases, our emotional well-being is held hostage until these conditions are met, leaving us emotionally vulnerable to our circumstances. If these conditions are never fulfilled, it can severely impact our emotional well-being.

When these conditions are fulfilled, we experience happiness, but only fleetingly, as we soon set additional conditions to our happiness.  Thus continues the cycle of conditional happiness and our emotional well-being becomes a roller-coaster of emotional highs and lows.

The reality is that we will inevitably encounter various challenging situations throughout our lives. As James points out we can experience pure joy regardless of our circumstances. The key to discovering pure joy beyond conditional happiness lies in how we consider our circumstances.

When we give something consideration, we take the time to apply our mind to it and think it through. After considering our circumstances, we have the power to choose whether we feel pure joy despite them. This is because happiness is an emotion, and joy is a state of mind. We experience pure joy when we choose to feel joyful regardless of our circumstances.

Because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. James 1:4 NIV

James points out that for us to experience pure joy despite our circumstances, we need to understand that our circumstances continually test our beliefs, values, and mindsets. How we respond to these circumstances is entirely within our control. We can choose to grow and develop character through them, changing our beliefs, values, and mindsets as needed, or instead remain fixed and respond to them as we always have. The choice is ours to make and one that determines whether we will discover pure joy beyond conditional happiness.

Life comes down to the choices we make, and if we are to discover pure joy beyond conditional happiness, we need to make some important choices.

Believe That We Can Change

Before embarking on any journey of change, it is essential we first believe that we are capable of change. This requires us to accept what is beyond our control, and to take control of what is in our control, our thoughts, emotions and responses. Unless we believe that we can effectively challenge our thoughts and control our emotions, we won’t be able to break free of the cycle of conditional happiness.

Believe That We Need to Change

Believing one can change is important, but unless someone believes they need to change, they never will. To end the cycle of conditional happiness, we must recognise its negative impact upon our emotional well-being and how it prevents us from experiencing pure joy in our lives. This awareness helps cultivate the desire for change necessary to break the cycle.

Desire Change in Our Life

The desire for change is important because it provides the motivation necessary to continue along the journey of personal growth. There is a difference between believing that one can finish a marathon and desiring to finish a marathon. Belief may only take someone part of the way, but desire can help them to reach the finish line. Believing that we can take control of our thoughts and emotions is good, desiring to do so will lead us to success.

Once we have made these three important choices, we can start to implement strategies in our lives to help us discover pure joy beyond conditional happiness.

Remain Mindful of Your Goal

Unless we remain mindful of our goals, we will likely forget about them. If our goal is to change our thinking, it is important to be aware of the specific patterns of thinking we seek to change. Identifying when we use such statements allows us to pause and consider how we can be joyful in our current circumstances, rather than seeking conditional happiness.

Practice Positive Affirmation

Negative patterns of thinking such as conditional happiness deprive us of experiencing joy in the present by deferring our happiness to a conditional moment in the future. We can challenge negative thinking patterns through positive affirmation.

One way is to remind ourselves of the various blessings we have in life and practice being thankful for them. Another is to remind ourselves of our strengths and past successes, including our capacity for change and perseverance.

As Christians, we can also remind ourselves of the greatest positive in our lives, God. Reminding ourselves of God helps us to recall how He sees us and that He is present in equipping and empowering us along our journey of growth and transformation.

By practicing positive affirmation, we can experience joy in the present regardless of our circumstances.

Practice Reframing

James gives us a classic example of reframing when he asks us to reflect on how various trials in life may test our faith, but in so doing produces perseverance.

Our minds resort to seeking conditional happiness because our present circumstances seem intolerable or undesirable. It can be helpful to reflect on our circumstances and reframe them so that they become tolerable or desirable.

One way we can reframe our circumstances is to see a potential benefit from them. For example, a long family car trip during difficult weather conditions is challenging, but also an opportunity for family discussions and games.

Another way is to align our circumstances with our values. If one of our core values is growth, then seeing a challenging circumstance as an opportunity for growth can be helpful.

Changing our patterns of thinking, including conditional happiness, takes time and practice. By remaining mindful of our goal, and practicing positive affirmation and reframing, we can begin a journey towards discovering pure joy beyond conditional happiness.

Reflection

In what circumstances do you find yourself using conditional happiness statements and how are they negatively impacting your emotional well-being?

Prayer

Father God, help me to see the difficult seasons of my life as an opportunity to live out my faith and values, and to glorify you. Help me to cherish every moment of peace and joy I experience as I live my life this way.

Affirmation

God's desire is for me to find the joy in even the most difficult of moments.

Action

Take the time now to connect with your observing self. Within us is a part of ourselves that is always observing. In this moment observe the beating of your heart. Your chest rising and falling as you breathe. The position of your feet. The sounds around you. Observe the thoughts that you are having and the feelings you are experiencing. Acknowledge that they are as present as the beating of your heart and the rise and fall of your chest.

Try repeating this exercise throughout the day. Just as our heart rate and breathing changes in different situations, so do our thoughts and feelings. As you observe yourself throughout the day, notice how happiness comes and go. This is normal.

As you practice this exercise, you'll observe that it's a lot easier to experience happiness throughout your day when you go looking for it in the present, as opposed to the future.