The 3 Lies About Our Emotions That Keep Us from Experiencing a Deeper Relationship with God

Life is hard! You do not need me to tell you this. I am sure your life experiences up until this point have confirmed this belief for you already.

Our life can seem like a rollercoaster sometimes. We can wake up anxious yet end our day feeling refreshed. We can start the day happy, later become angry, and then end the day sad. This is because each day presents us with different situations from the last, and each situation evokes a different emotional response from us. To make life even harder, different situations can evoke the same emotion but at varying intensities.

The anger a parent feels when they stand on their child’s Lego is different from when a stranger yells at their child. The joy one experiences upon receiving an unexpected gift is not necessarily the same as when they receive a promotion at work. The sadness one expresses when someone dies during a romantic movie is nowhere near the same as when they have lost a loved one.

So, our situations keep changing, our emotions change in response to them, and the intensity with which we feel them varies based on the situation.

Unfortunately, there are three lies about our emotions that we believe that make our lives even harder. Worse still, as Christian’s, they keep us from experiencing a deeper relationship with God.

Lie 1 – Emotions are Either Good or Bad

Society is incredibly good at ingraining this lie into our thinking. So much so, that whenever you present a list of emotions to someone and ask them which are good and which are bad, they will obligingly categorise them for you.

Joy, good. Anger, bad. Love, good. Disgust, bad. Anxiety, bad. Envy, bad.

If you have ever seen Disney’s Inside Out, you would have seen this idea play out. In the movie, Riley’s emotions are represented by a character inside of Riley’s teenage mind. Five of our most basic emotions are represented inside of Riley’s head: Joy, Anger, Fear, Disgust and Sadness. The Joy character seeks to dominate and control the other four emotions so that Riley can experience a happy and fulfilling life. At one point, Joy is actively trying to stop Sadness from touching Riley’s memories because when Sadness touches them, Riley feels sadness in those moments instead of happiness when she remembers them. Thankfully, towards the end of the movie, Joy learns to be less controlling as she understands that Riley needs to experience a range of emotions.

When we see our emotions as black-and-white, good, or bad, it leads us to believe that some emotional experiences should be highly sought after, and others should be avoided at all costs. Like Riley, we need to see that it is healthy and necessary to experience a wide range of emotions. Unfortunately, there is a second lie that we believe that doubles down on the idea that we should avoid experiencing or expressing certain emotions.

Lie 2 – Our Emotions Define Us

Society is even better at ingraining this lie into our thinking more than the first.

If a boy or a man cries, they might be told to suck it up, harden up, stop being a cry-baby.

If a woman has a strong emotional outburst in response to a situation, she might be told that she is overly emotional.

If a man gives an assertive response, he might get called an alpha or dominant male. If a woman gives the same assertive response, she might be labelled one of any number of derogatory terms. So, not only are we taught that certain emotions should not be experienced or expressed, but society also adds gender bias to the idea and tell us that only certain genders can express or experience certain emotions.

This level of labelling is so ingrained, that people will go as far as to define themselves by their label. I am an anxious person. I am an angry person.

All that these labels, biases, and fixed categorisations do is further ingrain within us the idea that certain emotions are to be avoided or experienced away from others. Which brings us to the third lie we believe.

Lie 3 – Unpleasant and Difficult Emotions Should Be Avoided

Strong emotional responses in others can often make us feel uncomfortable. So much so that we avoid talking to others about their feelings. We avoid confrontation. We avoid checking-in with them. We avoid consoling them.

Strong emotional responses within us cause us to find ways to avoid having to deal with them or experience them. If someone feels out of control, they might overthink the situation to gain control. If an assignment seems difficult, one might procrastinate to avoid it. If someone is feeling anxious, they might spend hours on their phone or computer game to distract themselves. If someone is feeling intense sadness and loss, they might resort to comfort eating or various substances to try and feel something.

The problem is, the idea that emotions are either good or bad and we will be negatively labelled based on how and when we express them, reinforces within us the need to avoid our emotions. This idea is unhealthy, unhelpful and it keeps us from experiencing a deeper relationship with God.

I am always seeking to experience a deeper relationship with God and hopefully you are too. So, here are three truths about our emotions, that when embraced, lead us to a deeper relationship with God.

Truth 1 – God Created Our Emotions and They Are Very Good

After God created the universe and gave everything a purpose, including us, He said this:

And God saw all that He had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day. Genesis 2:31 NASB

Before Adam and Eve ate the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, God created them with free will. He gave us the ability to choose and make decisions for ourselves, and our choices are often guided by our emotions.

If presented with a choice between chocolate or strawberry ice-cream, and eating strawberry ice-cream has brought you more joy, comfort and pleasure in the past, then this will influence your choice of ice-cream, and you will most likely choose to eat the strawberry ice-cream instead of the chocolate ice-cream.

God did not create mindless robots or puppets that He could control. He created living, breathing, free thinking people who experience emotions. When He looked at Adam and Eve, every aspect of them was very good, including their ability to experience emotions.

Our emotions are neither good nor bad and God created them with a purpose. Which brings us to our second truth.

Truth 2 – Our Emotions Tell Us Something About What We Love or Value[i]

As a face is reflected in water, so the heart reflects the real person. Proverbs 27:19 NLT

If someone cuts in line, we might feel anger because we value fairness. If we feel frustrated during a team activity it might be because we value control. If we feel frustrated during a meeting, it might be because we value efficiency. The emotions that we experience reflect who we are and what we value and love. The greater our emotional intensity, the greater we love or value something.

To avoid our emotions, is to avoid ourselves, which denies us opportunities for growth, self-reflection, and self-care. If we avoid our feelings of loss, we deny expressing our love and value for what was lost. If we avoid our feelings of anger, we deny expressing our values and maintaining important boundaries.

Worse still, when we avoid our emotions, we avoid bringing them before God. By doing so, we deny ourselves the opportunity to be nurtured and supported, and to develop a deeper relationship with Him. Which brings us to the third and final truth.

Truth 3 – God Want Us to Express Our Emotions in His Presence

Now they heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden. Then the LORD God called to the man, and said to him, “Where are you?” He said, “I heard the sound of You in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid myself.” And He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree from which I commanded you not to eat?” Genesis 3:8-11 NASB

After disobeying God’s command, Adam and Eve undoubtedly felt some strong emotions. Guilt, shame, fear, sadness, and regret amongst others. They found themselves physically naked and emotionally exposed and vulnerable. They then did what we all tend to do when we feel such strong emotions, they avoided them and God. They ran from Him and hid themselves away from Him.

Thankfully, no matter how hard we try to avoid our emotions or God, He will never stop looking for us. Because He loves us and He cares about us. He wants to sit down with us and our emotions, unpack them, and help us find solutions to our problems.

God sought out Adam and Eve. He knew what they had done and why they felt afraid. He sought them out even after they tried to avoid Him. He saw the problem they now faced because of their actions, and He made a sacrifice, the first sacrifice He ever made for humanity.

And the LORD God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them. Genesis 3:21 NASB

When God sacrificed an animal and covered them in its blood-soaked skin, He did more than just cover their nakedness and keep them warm. He covered them with His grace, mercy, and forgiveness. He broke down the barriers that were preventing a deeper relationship with Him. God’s sacrifice showed the depths of His love for them.

God did the same thing when He sacrificed His only son Jesus Christ for us. For those who believe in Him and place their faith in Him, they experience the same covering of grace, mercy, and forgiveness. Because of God’s sacrifice, any barriers to a deeper relationship with God are of our own making.

How to Experience a Deeper Relationship with God

So, how do we move forward with our emotions and experience a deeper relationship with God? By not believing the lies ingrained into us about our emotions.

We need to stop labelling our emotions or placing them into fixed black-and-white categories. We also need to stop labelling ourselves or accepting the labels that others place on us because of our emotions. Instead, we need to show ourselves grace and understand that it is okay to experience a wide range of emotions, and that avoiding them and God is not the answer. By doing so we break down the barriers preventing us from developing a greater understanding of ourselves and experiencing a deeper relationship with God.

God wants us to bring our emotions, no matter how complex or painful to Him. He does not want us to avoid them or Him, He wants to help us work through them together. He wants to care for us, and cover us in His grace, mercy, and forgiveness, because He loves us and wants a deeper relationship with us.

The next time you want to run away from God and your emotions, try running towards God and a deeper relationship with Him instead. Because He is waiting with open arms ready to comfort and support us regardless of how we feel.

Reflection

What strategies do you use to avoid experiencing or expressing difficult emotions? How have these worked for you in the short-term and what are they costing you in the medium to long-term?

Prayer

Father God, help me to see that you love and care for me and that you want to help me to express and experience my emotions in your presence. Speak to me now about what I value and love. Remind me of your grace, mercy, and forgiveness.

Affirmation

God does not want me to avoid Him or my emotions. He wants me to experience and express my emotions in His presence so that He can help and comfort me.

Action

Choose an avoidance strategy you turn to when you are experiencing difficult emotions. Make a commitment to yourself that the next time you notice yourself turning to this strategy, you will turn to God instead. Sit with God in a quite space with your palms turned upwards and invite Him into this space. Acknowledge the feeling that you are experiencing. Say to God “God, I notice that I am feeling….” and “God, I am feeling….” Then say to God “God, help me to understand what this emotion is communicating to me about myself and my life.” Then sit with this emotion, focus on your breathing, and body sensations, and listen for God’s response.

If you need more help understanding what your emotions are communicating to you, feel free to check out the devotional “God Communicates Through Our Emotions to Bring About Growth and Transformation” or the self-reflection exercise “What Are My Emotions Communicating to Me?” in our self-help resources section.

[i] Groves, J. Alasdair, and Winston T. Smith. Untangling Emotions. Wheaton, Illinois: Crossway, 2019.