Experiencing Satisfaction Beyond Conditional Happiness

You have no doubt heard the famous saying “The pen is mightier than the sword.” It speaks volumes about the power of our words. Words have the power to limit or expand. The question, “Did you have a good day today?” lends itself to a binary yes or no response without the need for expansion, whereas the question “Tell me about your day?” encourages and opens a seemingly limitless number of responses, leading to a potentially more satisfying conversation.

Words not only have the power to limit or expand a conversation, but they also have the power to limit or expand our level of satisfaction. Often without realising, we tend to place conditions upon our happiness thus influencing how, where and when we will be satisfied. We do this when we make conditional happiness statements such as “I’ll be happy when I get home” or “I will be happy when the house is clean,” only then to go on and say, “I’ll be happy if the house stays clean.”

We all make conditional happiness statements, and they can be easily identified as they come in the form of “I will be happy when this condition is met or maintained.”

Such statements can become particularly problematic when the condition to be met is either in the future (e.g. completing a course), entirely beyond our control (e.g. receiving a promotion at work), or unrealistic to maintain (e.g. a clean house and small children). Until these conditions are met or maintained, our emotional well-being and satisfaction is a hostage to circumstance.

When the conditions are met and maintained, we experience happiness and satisfaction fleetingly, as we soon set additional conditions for both. Thus continues the cycle of conditional happiness and our emotional well-being becomes a roller-coaster of emotional highs and lows.

The truth is we can only ever influence our circumstances; never entirely control them. This is why making conditional happiness statements is detrimental to our emotional well-being and overall satisfaction, as they leave us both vulnerable and dependent upon circumstances beyond our control.

Conditional happiness statements limit our experience of satisfaction to the receiving of a desired outcome. Therefore, the key to breaking this cycle lies in us experiencing satisfaction in the blessings we currently have and do receive. As our satisfaction with these blessings grows, our desire for satisfaction from desired outcomes diminishes.

Our circumstances can change outside of our control, but how we accept and appreciate the blessings we have and receive is well within our control and has the power to influence how satisfied we feel regardless of our circumstances.

Recently, circumstances have changed outside of my control, as a previously intermittent nerve pain in my right arm, has become constant and associated with weakness and numbness. We recently travelled to a specialist appointment to explore this issue. Whilst travelling, our family stopped for some drive-thru restaurant food. As we received our food, my wife and I were astounded at the timeliness and quality of our food. She took a moment to thank them and express her appreciation. Someone replied, “I appreciate you!” My wife replied, “I appreciate you too!” At that moment you could feel the sense of joy, satisfaction, and blessing being experienced by so many people, all because of the power of one word: appreciate. Despite the circumstances, we could appreciate the service and the quality of the food we had received, and those who prepared it appreciated the thanksgiving and gratitude we shared.

Words of appreciation, gratitude, and thanksgiving have the power to not only increase our satisfaction, but the satisfaction of those around us, regardless of circumstances.

There are countless blessings that we have received and do receive for which we can be thankful for. We don’t have to look too far to find them as they are often right under our nose. Blessings such as the taste of a good meal, a refreshing drink on a hot day, shared laughter or a friend calling us up to tell us that they care.

The biggest blessing of all is that Jesus loves us, care for us, and provides for us in more ways than we realise. He covers us in grace and shows us mercy and forgiveness. These are blessings that we can appreciate and be forever thankful for regardless of our circumstances because they can never be taken away from us.

The key to experiencing satisfaction beyond conditional happiness is to continually seek to notice the countless blessings in our lives, and to express our appreciation for them. There is great power in expressing words of thanksgiving, gratitude, and appreciation towards God and others. The apostle Paul demonstrated this whilst in prison. Despite experiencing challenging circumstances outside of his control, he had an incredible influence. His continued thanksgiving to God was a blessing to those around him and resulted in many people in the prison giving their lives to Christ. Those who received his prison letters and have read them since, are blessed and encouraged by his expressions of thanksgiving to God and others in his life.

Appreciation, gratitude, and thanksgiving are powerful and transformative words that when expressed and experienced, greatly increase our level of satisfaction regardless of our circumstances. As practices they have the power to grow and transform our relationship with God, and when expressed to others, they have the power to bless those who receive them.

Who can you express your appreciation, gratitude and thanksgiving to today?

Reflection

In what circumstances do you find yourself using conditional happiness statements and how have they been negatively impacting your emotional well-being?

Prayer

Father God, thank you for the countless blessings I receive each day. Help me to recognise them more and to express my appreciation, gratitude, and thanksgiving for them to You and others every day.

Affirmation

Regardless of circumstances, there is always a blessing to be noticed.

Action

Establish a daily routine of thanksgiving prayer to God. As you come into the presence of God, start to state the blessings that you are thankful for. Initially this will be like starting a chainsaw, and be very stop-start, but eventually your thanksgiving motor will kick in, and your spirit will overflow with blessings to express. If you find yourself giving thanks to God for someone, make sure you take the time to express to them how much of a blessing they are to you. They’ll appreciate it.